Ed, Edd, Eddy, n Edna
Chapter 2: "Can a Ed befriend a Kanker?"
Note: I do not own Ed, Edd, n Eddy...but "The Fourth Ed" is mine!
I reconned that this fanfic takes place in June so that the summer can last longer.
Last Time: Nazz introduces Ed, Edd, n Eddy to her cousin Edna (who just happens to technically be a "Ed") and showed her stuff to her new friends. Sure enough they were impressed. However after defending the Eds from a Kanker attack, Edna felt bad for the one lone Kanker who isn't like the other two. Oh and Double D just prevented Edna from seeing scary movies involving the one thing she fears the most.... On the other hand she somehow in her strange way got good dreams from watching "Grindhouse" with her new friends... but she wants to be friends with that other Kanker girl... but is it possible? Come find out!
(The Next Morning)
Edna, in her nightgown, slippers and protective vest walks down to the Park n Flush Trailer Park. She sees May Kanker in her "feetie pajamas" going to get the paper. May turns around and Edna then goes up to her and says, "I believe this is yours..here you go!" May then gets the paper and says, "Thanks... but who are you? And are you new to this town?" Edna then says, "That's not important... what's important is... what is the one thing you lack in life?"
May scratches her head and says, "Umm... a pet monkey? Oh no wait... it is People skills? Ooooh I get it it's...." Edna then says, "Actually here's a hint if you solve this riddle...
"What is the one special thing I can show you... but you cannot see it?"
May ponders this for a long time but when she realizes it she smiles but then says, "It's friendship! But why do you want to be friends with me? No one was ever brave enough to be friends with a Kanker Sister... sorry I was just confused by this... I mean it's not like everyday a stranger comes to town and wants to be my friend... and why me?"
Edna then says, "Well... you're different, you seem to be smart, debonnair, different from your sisters, and how I say... I see a bit of me in you, so how about it?" May then says, "Let me have some time to think....OK! I'm May Kanker, now who are you?" Edna then says, "Sorry but I cannot reveal my name or you might think differently of me?" May then says, "Oh I get it, you have a obscenity for a name... I have some relatives with a similar problem like Aunt (CENSORD), Cousin (OH THAT'S SUCH A HORRIBLE WORD!) and uncle (CAN'T PRINT THIS IN A FANFIC)."
Edna's jaw drops at such horrible volcabulary but then she says, "Well it is true that there REALLY are people with horrible names out there in the word, the reason why I cannot reveal my name is because you might think something bad will happen to you." May makes big misty eyes and then Edna confesses, "Ok... It's Edna!" May then says, "Well pleasure to meet you Edna, wow... my first friend! Umm why didn't you say your name earlier?" Edna then says, "Hello! E-D-N-A! The first two letters of my name! I mean...You Can't Spell Edna with "E" and "D"!"
May then thinks it out and says, "Oh... OHHHHH! so... (Edna nods) and... (Edna nods) you... (Edna nods) they... (Edna nods) friends... (Edna nods) and... (Edna nods) me... (Edna nods) So you're the one Marie and Lee refer to as "that crazy "Ugly" girl who thinks she's a Ed"... You're not going to attack me are you?" Edna then says, "Never... I felt bad for you! According from a reliable source you were always mistreated by your sisters and so I want to be your friend and show you that there is someone who will care about you... also I fought your sisters because they wanted to hurt my "Nakama!"
May shivers as she says, "But yours hate me... who is the reliable source... maybe he doesn't hate me." Edna then says, "Just a friend" and she winks, she continues, "Anyway as a token of friendship, you are invited to my house, I will be ordering pizza and I will try to get my friends to get along with you... they would have to because honestly other than me and reliable source I have the most common sense of them!"
May's eyes are as big as saucers as she says to Edna, "PIZZA! YOU'RE INVITING ME OVER FOR PIZZA? Wow! Thank you! You really are a great friend!" Edna then says, "Ok, bring the best dress you have and bring some paper bags... you're going to need them! Right now I'm going to mingle with Cousin Nazz's friends. May is suprised and asks, "Nazz? She is your cousin? Howcome she never tol... oh that's right!" Edna then says, "There there... as your friend I will guarantee your inside and outside will be as beautiful as Cousin Nazz's now get back in that trailer and get ready to party! Oh and do not tell your sisters about it, they are "meanie-bo-beanies"!" May giggles and says, "You got that right! Bye!"
(Cul-De-Sac... early afternoon)
Edna walks out of her house in her evening clothes complete with a yellow ribbon and sees Sarah and Jimmy in front of her yard and Sarah then says, "Hey Edna, wanna have a tea party with us?" Edna nods and joins in. Edna then sees Jimmy drinking tea and hugging his stuffed bunny "Mr. Num Num" and says, "Sarah, I really don't think boys like Jimmy are supposed to be..." Sarah then covers Edna's mouth and whispers to her, "Shush... Jimmy is very very Very sensative about THAT fact."
Jimmy sees Edna and says to her, "You know Nazz's Cousin, you look like that "ugly" girl on TV!" Edna responds, "Yeah I get that alot, but I don't care... she's very popular... being herself! I mean it's alot better then being busy... being delicious and I doubt anyone will get that joke!" Jimmy giggles and says to Sarah, "She's smart carismatic and funny, Nazz's family is very interesting!"
Eddy shows up and says, "Edna! What are you doing with "Diaper-rash Jimmy" and "Frogmouthed Sarah"! Edna then says, "Eddy please, I met them before I even met you! Well they ARE Cousin Nazz's friends." Sarah then says, "You know that jerk?" Edna then says, "Well my technicallity yes... he is... plus I am a Ed and proud of it!" Sarah adds 2 and 2 and says, "Ohhh I should've guessed at the first two letters at your name, We Can't Spell Edna with "E" and "D"!" Jimmy then says, "So we shouldn't be friends with Nazz's cousin?" Sarah then says, "I...don't...know...anymore!" Edna then says, "Relax you two... I'm not gonna scam anybody, in fact (To Eddy) I was planning to order pizza at my house! And that is it! order pizza and go watch something bedwettening scary on TV! No scam!"
Eddy then says, "Hmm no scam...but I like the pizza idea!" Edna then says, "I'm bringing a friend with me... she is a little shy so be on your best behavior or I tell Cousin Nazz about those photos o..." Eddy covers her mouth and the two walk away from a very confused Sarah and Jimmy.
Eddy then says, "Well we were going to have a scam but... Pizza good, let's tell Ed and Doubl..." But then Kevin rides his bike and runs over Eddy's foot on purpose. Kevin just laughs and says, "Haw Haw DORK! Hey, who's the girl with you?" Edna then says, "Hey that's not really nice! Oh and the name's Edna and I'm Nazz's cousin!" Kevin seems confused and says, "Man, Nazz is definately at the shallow end of the gene pool." Edna then says, "I beg your pardon!" Kevin then says, "And you look like that "ugly" girl on TV Haw Haw Haw!"
Edna then says something Eddy couldn't believe what she just said... "Oh yeah? Well what are you hiding under that hat of yours? A bald spot the size of your butt?" Kevin's mind snapped and he turns around and says, "TAKE...THAT...BACK!!!" Edna then says, "Only if you apologize to my friend Eddy and stop calling him and his friends "Dorks" like Cousin Nazz tells me you do!" Kevin is dumbfounded and says, "Nazz talks about me?" Edna then replies, "Yes she did before I moved here, she says you are a (Whispers to Kevin who apparently has huge suprised eyes) and when you call my new friends dorks, it means you are compensating something..."
Eddy giggles and Edna then says, "That's right Kevin, I AM THE FOURTH ED! So go ahead... call me a dork and see what happens!" Kevin shivers and says, "Man you scare me... I'm "dorking" out of here!" Kevin rides his bike away and Edna then shouts at the top of her lungs, "I STILL SAY YOU HAVE A BALD SPOT THE SIZE OF YOUR BUTT UNDER THAT HAT OF YOURS!" Edna then hears the sound of a bike crashing into a wall.
Edna and Eddy show up and to Edna's shock, she sees Double D and Ed dressed as maids and the place is set to a cafe' like setting. Edna then looks at the two and looks at Eddy and says, "So let me get this straight... you get money by performing a scam, at the cost of your friends' dignity... just what is wrong with you? Hey Double D! Ed! take off those costumes, I'm having pizza at my house and you are all invited!"
Double D takes off his maid outfit and says, "Really? It seems like I wasn't the only one who wanted out of this scam and I discover this, is there something you can't do Edna?" Edna then says, "Umm... well I am try to overcome my shyness Double D. Ed? Why are you in your underwear? Didn't you bring a spare change of clothes?"
Ed replies, "They were in the wash!" Edna just rolls her eyes and says, "Oh come one Ed, Double D while you walk Ed to his house for a change of clothes I'll go get the pizza ready. Eddy then says, "And what am I going to do?" Edna then says, "Well I want you to never do any type of scam like that to those boys again, now get ready, pizza at my house!" Eddy then says, "Hmm you might not like scams but you seem to care alot about us! Oh and isn't Nazz coming?" Eddy then says, "Nope, she's babysitting Sarah and Jimmy so I guess it's us five at my place."
Eddy's mind snapped as he forgot Edna was going to bring someone with her and and he shouts, "FIVE? Who's the other person?" Edna then says, "Just a friend, someone I met in the neighborhood, I mean you'll like her!" Eddy then replies, "Hmm... Well I do trust you and you seem to be alot like all three of us... Ok... I approve of it, and make sure you bring a good pants wettening movie... or a raunchy sex comedy!"
Edna shakes her head and says, "GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER EDDY!"
As Edna prepares her place for the dinner she is humming "Orinoco Flow" by Enya. Edna hears a doorbell and to her suprise as she opens the door, she sees a rather happy May Kanker in a nice dress complete with a pink ribbon. May then hugs Edna and says, "Thank you so much, I can't believe this is the first party I am ever invited to!"
Edna then says, "FIRST...of many my friend, now the boys aren't here yet so make yourself home at "Casa de Espinoza" May then comments, "Your last name is Espinoza?" Edna then says, "Yeah... yeah I know, not many people in Peach Creek have last names so you and I aren't so different. Now did you give your sisters the slip?" May replies, "Yep, I left a scarecrow in my room, they're probably yelling at it or throwing rocks at it."
Edna looks down and says, "Oh you poor girl..." Edna hears a doorbell and panics, she places the paper bag on May and says, "Now get to the table, the boys are coming! Oh and try to enjoy yourself until I spill the beans." Edna opens the door and she sees a unseen pizza delivery guy deliver 5 pizzas, she pays for them and gets them.
"False Alarm!" said a rather content Edna who just happens to have pizzas with sausage bits on one, "the works" on one, mushrooms on one, BBQ chicken on one, and one with anchovies." May's mouth waters and says, "You got anchovies! Yum!" Edna then says, "Hmmm what was going to be mine since I thought no one likes anchovies but hey... you're the first mate!" Then Edna hears another doorbell and knows it's them for sure.
Edna asks, "Who is this?" Ed replies, "CANDYGRAM!" Edna then says, "Wow, you guys are SNL fans? Oh enough comedy, welcome to "Casa de Espinoza!" The Eds enter the house and see the house as it appears to have a hispanic charm to it. The Eds see the lone girl with a paperbag on her head and Eddy then says, "So who's your friend and what's with the paperbag?" Edna replies, "Umm she's a friend... and she has a big ugly pimple so ugly that if it was televised the FCC wouldn't allow it so don't take off the bag!"
Ed then says,"... Eddy had a worser pimple... I want to be the one who see zit!" Edna giggles and says, "Good pun Ed but no... leave the bag alone...ok?" Double D then says, "So what's her name?" Edna then stutters and says... "Umm... Uhh...(sees a picture of a Mayan temple) Maya....(sees a package of chocolate chip cookies) Keebler... Maya Keebler! Yeah her name is Maya Keebler... and she just moved from Brazil!... And she speaks poor english so don't expect her to say much!"
"Maya" extends her hand and Double D shakes it and says, "Pleasure to meet you Maya! I see you take a liking to Edna. "Maya" just nods her head. Eddy and Ed are suprised by all the pizza Edna ordered and Eddy then says, "Edna, you're one of the best females on the planet (Edna blushes) and if this was a job and I was your boss you're vice president along with Double D!" Ed replies, "But what about me boss? I want to be vice president too!" Eddy then says, "Watch your tounge boy if you like this job!" Ed then says, "Like this job?"
"Maya" just giggles at the "Return of the Living Dead" reference. Edna then asks, "So.. who brought a movie?" Ed then grins and pulls out a DVD of "DEAD ALIVE" ("Braindead" to you non-American readers) Edna then says, "Cool! Peter Jackson's zombie movie, I never saw it but I heard it is the most violent, gut-retching, blood splattering, bed-wettingest movie ever PUT IT IN! PUT IT IN!"
Double D then says, "But Edna, we're going to be eating, I don't need to see that!" Edna then says, "Well... you don't have to join in on the movie Double D, this is pretty much a thing me and Ed can do... as well as Maya if she likes this kind of thing. Eddy just sits back and eats some pizza and Edna puts the DVD on and to her suprise and shock...
Edna shouts, "ED, YOU GOT THE WRONG DVD! IT'S A BARNEY DVD!" Ed then says, "But Edna that's impossible unless...OH NO... BABY SISTER HAS THE DVD BY MISTAKE! BABY SISTER!" Eddy laughs hysterically but then the sausage bit gets caught in his throat and is choking.
Edna then notices Eddy is turning blue but without a moment to spare, "Maya" grabs Eddy and performs the "heimlich manuver" and kept thrusting his chest until the sausage bit is coughed up and he faints.
When Eddy wakes up he notices "Maya" is giving him mouth to mouth. Eddy wakes up and says, "You...you...saved my life! And you gave me a kiss... a friend of Edna's a friend of mine!" Edna's eyes perk up as she says, "So... she's a friend now?" Eddy then says, "Of course, she saved my life, I don't care if her pimple is as bad as the one I once had, I want to see what she looks like!"
Before Edna can do anything, Eddy lifts the paper bag from her head...
Eddy is on the ground, foaming in the mouth and spazzing out. Edna then says, "Eddy are you alright?" Ed then shouts, "KANKER!" And hides inside Double D's sock-hat. Double D then says, "No wonder why you told us a white lie about your new friend...and I don't blame you!" Edna then says, "Yeah...huh? You don't?" Double D then says, "No I don't, you see I thought I was the only one who saw something different with May and after what I saw earlier she definately is different and I'm suprised you had the confidence to befriend her, I'm proud of you Edna!"
Edna blushes and says, "Well thanks Double D, I might be shy but confidence is something that grows within me daily...it was you guys who planted that seed in the first place. Oh yes May is cool... very very cool!" May then says, "So Double D, what were those things you think about me?" Double D then says, "Well I was the reliable source who told Edna about you, you seem friendly, have hidden intelligence, and you need friends, I will be a friend too!"
May notices the lump in Double D's hat and says, "Umm Ed...you don't have to hide in there, I'm just being with my friends!" Ed comes out and says, "Not even a hug or a kiss?" May replies, "No... would a handshake do?" Ed then shakes hands with May and says, "Now pull my finger!"
Before anything can happen, Eddy snaps out of his trance and he shouts," A kanker... A KANKER... YOU BROUGHT AND BEFRIENDED A KANKER! And you call yourself a Ed... I aughta..." Double D shields May and Edna and says, "Eddy before you make a jackaninny out of yourself here's the thing, May is different from the other two and doesn't seem to want to be a bully to us and me and Edna brought out her inner self and befriend her, then Edna invited her over and arranged this dinner so we can make peace and get to know her better and one important thing... SHE SAVED YOUR LIFE!!!"
Eddy then looks at May and looks at Ed, Edd, n Edna. Eddy then gets up and extends his hand but then ends up hugging May and Eddy replies, "Edna's right...oh and thanks! And sorry for judging you just for being a Kanker." May replies, "That's alright...umm... shouldn't we go to Nazz's house and get that movie before they see it?"
Edna's face turns red and says, "Yeah you're right! If they see it then we will be very embarassing and it will cause Sarah and Jimmy to have nightmares!"
Edna and the others make it to Nazz's house but to their suprise, Nazz, Sarah, and Jimmy are actually enjoying "DEAD ALIVE", May then says, "Well that was a waste... wanna go back to the house and finish that pizza?" Eddy replies, "I'm in!"
(Back to Edna's house)
So they had some more pizza. Then it was time to go. May then says, "Wow... I got pizza, made a friend, and hung out with the Eds! But now I have to go back to my trailer and be with my sisters...hmph!"
Edna then says, "Don't worry May, I'll come up with something to see you again and do more stuff like this!" Ed then says, "It's a real pleasure to have you here... I cannot believe I just said that!" Eddy then says, "Ok, I'm going to hit the sack now!"
May then walks home but after looking at her four new friends, a tear falls from her eye and realizes that her two sisters might not let her enjoy such a thing or anything for that matter.
NEXT TIME: Mission ED-possible!