Ed, Edd, Eddy, n Edna
Chapter 4: Edna's ED-genious plan!
Note: I do not own Ed, Edd, n Eddy...but "The Fourth Ed" is mine!
This is a spin-off of "The Grim ED-ventures of Ed, Edd, n Eddy". I always wondered what if Edna existed in the "Ed, Edd, n Eddy" canon and...THIS STORY DOES NOT CONTAIN SUPERNATURAL ELEMENTS!
Last Time: The other two Kanker Sisters noticed May Kanker is feeling down so they kidnap Ed to cheer her up. Edna then arranges a rescue party to get him back and she ends up inviting May to stay with her due to how abusive her sisters are. Plus Eddy has to be on good terms with May because she saved his life... well what would you do if your enemy saved your life? So they had a sleep-over and watched "Wacky Races" and betted on some cars.
May Kanker is sleeping on her sleeping bag and she is happy to finally meet someone who treats her good and she has friends who would do the same. May wakes up and sees Edna smiling cheerfully and half asleep, she is carrying a huge butcher knife. As she sees this, creepy music and whispering can be heard.
May screams and Edna wakes up and she looks at her knife and "Huh? Who took my frying pan and replaced it with this knife?" May then gives her a "wtf" look and she says, "Oh, I always wanted to wake someone up with a frying pan but I must've grabbed a knife by mistake. May then asks, "And why do I hear creepy music and whispering?" Edna replies, "Oh right, Ed is here and he's watching "Suspiria" in the family room. And everytime they play that song it means someone's going to die a gruesome death... Yeah I watched it with Ed last night!"
(If nobody gets this joke, this was from "Azumanga Daioh" where Osaka does the same exact thing with a butcher knife... The music was added because I finally saw "Suspiria" and not a bad italian movie too!)
May then asks Ed, "Hey Ed where is Double D and Eddy? Umm.... Ed?" Ed doesn't respond because he is busy watching "Suspiria"
Edna then says as she gets ready to go out, "By the way May, I learned not to interrupt Ed from watching horror movies because he tends to be cranky if you do, also the two are performing a "riding mower scam". I know for a fact it's not going to work but I'm amused by the fact that Eddy's performing a scam that is actually useful.
Ed then says, "MOVIE OVER! Ok Edna, how about I take you and May out for ice cream since I lost the Wacky Races bet last chapter!" May and Edna giggle at the idea and agree. Edna then adds, "Oh and after we get the treats how about we walk by and see how Eddy and Double D are doing with the "riding mower" scam.
(15 minutes later)
Edna cheerfully eats bubblegum ice cream, May is happily eating mint chocolate chip ice cream and to their suprise Ed is eating gravy ice cream. Edna then says, "I had no idea such a flavor exists."
Johnny 2x4 and Plank are just collect acorns and then he runs into the three and Johnny then says to them, "Oh HIya Edna! I see Ed is hanging out with you (To Ed) You lucky dog! And who's... EGAD! A KANKER!" Edna then says, "Relax Johnny, she's cool!" Johnny looks at May Kanker and says, "Works for me!" And he continues his acorn hunting.
Then the three decide to see how Eddy and Double D are doing with their scam but when they get there, they see Eddy and Double D covered in lipstick covered kisses, their stand is destroyed and Eddy's jar is empty. May then asks, "Now where have I seen this bef... Ohhhh right!" Edna then asks Eddy, "What happened?"
Eddy responds, "I had the perfect idea for a scam for "riding mowers" from watching reruns of "King of the Hill" and the minute I make a killing, those stupid Kankers ruin our scam, make out with us, and steal our mon... KANKER!" Eddy pulls out a board and is about to strike May with it. May hides behind Ed and Edna then says, "EDDY! BAD MONKEY! NO PEANUT FOR YOU!" Eddy is confused by what she said and she continues, "Just because the Kankers did this to you, doesn't mean May is responcible for it, we went out for ice cream and was enjoying herself, there's no harm in that!" May then adds, "Yeah and remember I saved your life?"
Eddy is speechless and as he sits on the floor he says, "No matter, those other two just took my hard scamed money and they got away with it!" May then says, "Oh... so that's how you guys feel when we do that, I'm sorry." Edna asks May, "Umm May when you guys ruin the Eds' scams and take their money, what do you do with that money?"
May replies as she sheds some tears, "Well we have money trouble at home so that's why we do it and we hope that if we steal their money they would come to our trailer for it and we would have them where we want them. We just use the money for food and money since our mom has a hard time supporting us." Edna looks at Eddy and asks, "Don't you feel at least bad now?"
Eddy then says, "Yeah I guess so... but still they violated us!" Ed then adds, "Then they questioned us for May's disappearance!" Edna then ponders until Nazz walks by and says, "Hi Gu... ACK!" Edna then says, "Nazz it's ok, May's cool, did u forget?" Nazz then looks at May and says, "Works for me! So what's up?" Edna then says, "Well Nazz the other two Kankers ruined Eddy's scam, stole their money, "violated" them, and asked for May. And even if they do want her back I refuse to give her to them, she deserves a better life and I promise her so!"
May then says to Edna, "Well... thanks! But they will eventually continue the search." Edna then says, "If I wouldn't give up the love and friendship for my "Nakama" then what makes me think I'd give you up to those creeps? Although I do have a idea that can solve Eddy's problem and prove a point!"
(Later that day)
Nazz goes to Edna's house and Edna then says, "Hi Cousin Naz... umm why are they here?" Sarah and Jimmy are eating rice crackers and Nazz replies, "Well they wanted to join us for tea." Edna then says, "Umm Nazz I don't think those two should even be here?' Sarah gets annoyed and says, "Hey, we have a right, we're your friends too!"
Before Edna can say anything, May shows up and says, "Umm Edna where do you keep the Teddy Grahams?" Sarah and Jimmy see May and the minute Sarah shouts, "OH NO! RUN FOR IT JIMMY!" They run out of the house and don't look back.
Edna then says, "That's why! Oh and the Teddy Grahams are in the cupboard! That's where we keep the other snacks!" Nazz sees May preparing for tea time and says to May, "I guess you have changed for the best, you even got the teddy grahams, great job!" May blushes and Edna replies, "Yep! She's my BBF now other than you and the Eds, anyway good thing Sarah and Jimmy left, I'm gonna do something that could get me in trouble... but it's for May and the Eds' sake!"
Nazz then replies, "I'm listening..." May is also curious about Edna's plan.
Edna then explains her plan, "I really don't think those two like May very much, and to prove this, I plan to pose as a kidnapper and have May as hostage, the ransom would be the money they stole from the Eds. If they do love their sister very much they would follow my instructions and surrender the money to me for her return." May then says, "But what if they actually do it, that could risk our friendship!"
Edna then thinks and responds, "I never thought of that but let's see how it plays out, either way... no matter what happens... we'll always be friends." May smiles as her eyes get teary and Nazz then says, "Edna I'm very proud of you! I mean you really care about other people and you're doing all this stuff for May." Edna then says, "Yup! Now get the tea ready, I got a "hostage negotiation" to commence! Oh and the reason why I'm asking for the money they stole is because that wasn't even nice that they took it from them... oh and they're coming over later on today"
May and Nazz then drink tea as Edna prepares her plan to not only prove if the other two Kankers care for May and to get the Eds' money back.
Edna puts a Kazoo in her mouth to disguise her voice. Edna asks May her phone number and after May tells her, Edna calls the Kanker residence.
Lee Kanker: Kanker Residence!
Edna: WE HAVE YOUR SISTER, IF YOU EVER WANT HER BACK YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW MY INSTRUCTIONS!
Lee Kanker: Hey Marie! Someone has May! Ok you creep! Give us back our sister!
Edna: IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN YOU MUST DO THE FOLLOWING, MEET ME IN THE CANDY STORE AND BRING US EVERY CENT YOU EVER STOLE FROM THE EDS, DO IT OR YOU WILL NEVER SEE YOUR SISTER AGAIN!
Lee Kanker: You know forget it, she's not even worth it!
(Lee hangs up phone)
May Kanker then asks Edna, "Well... did it work?" Edna then shivers and makes a very terrifying angry face. Nazz then says, "Whoa! She's really mad!" May Kanker then says, "How mad?" Nazz then replies, "Madder than the time Toonami got cancelled, She must have heard something on the phone she didn't like." Edna angerly puts on her raincoat and makes her trip to the "Park n Flush Trailer Park"
Edna then goes up to the Kanker's trailer and knocks their door. Lee opens it and says, "Oh... it's you! What do you want?" Edna angerly throws her kazoo at Lee and tells them, "You know what? You guys suck!" Then she picks up a stick with what appears to be a chocolate bar on it and she flings it into the trailer.
Edna angerly walks away and she says, "By the way, that's not chocolate!" Then Marie and Lee shriek in horror when they find out what that really is. Edna then walks back to her house and she says, "Justice is served!"
Unaware to either Marie, Lee, and Edna, someone or something is behind the Kanker's trailer and spray painting it.
Edna goes back to the house and she sees Nazz painting May's toenails and Edna is getting over her anger and says, "Cousin Nazz... May is going to have to live with me... I CAN'T BELIEVE THOSE TWO!" May then asks, "What did happen and what did you do?" Edna replies, "It turns out that those two won't even return the money they stole from the Eds in return for you, they even said you're not worth it."
May gasps and then starts crying. Edna then continues, "So I told them they suck and instead of flinging a chocolate bar at them I flung d..." Nazz interrupts her and says, "Whoa Edna! They really got you mad but I don't blame them... If I had siblings I would love them no matter what... Oh May I'm so sorry!" May then says, "That's ok, I have a real family right here... or better yet a "nakama"!" Edna then blushes a bit.
The Eds show up and Eddy then shouts, "HEY EDNA! DID THE SKANKERS GIVE US BACK OUR MONEY LIKE YOU SAID THE PLAN WOULD?" Eddy then sees a rather annoyed May and says, "Oops! I forgot you were here!" May then says, "That's ok, they are real jerks anyway, they refuse to return your money in order to get me back... I mean they don't even care if it was all a hoax... they don't even care about me!" May then starts crying.
Eddy then shivers and then he says, "I don't know what's going on with me but..." Eddy then hugs May and she giggles a bit as he says, "Help...Me!" Double D snickers and says, "Sorry Eddy, I guess your inner subconcious is telling you that if there was ever a moment to feel very very very very sorry for some misfortunate individual... plus she saved your life!"
Eddy then says, "Well I'll let this go... Geez what's next? A member of Cobra saves a member of G.I. JOE? (Action Force to you non-American readers) A Decepticon saves a Autobot? A Renegade Gobot rescues a Guardian Gobot... I bet no one would get that one!"
May then asks Eddy, "You like Transformers too?" Eddy then says, "Of course... but when we play with the toys I always play Megatron!" Ed then responds, "It is because Megatron is bad and evil like you Eddy!" Eddy then says, "Well at least I'm not a two-timing psycho like Starscream!" Double D just stares at Eddy and says, "Remember those times you would choose getting jawbreakers over us in a scam?" Eddy turns red and replies, "Touche' Double D!"
Edna then goes to her room asks Double D to follow her. Double D follows her and he cannot believe what she is seeing in there... the room is decorated with 80's memborillia and has a celestial theme and when Edna turns off the lights the stars on the ceiling are glowing and are in the correct alignments. Edna then says to Double D, "I just thought you like seeing stars too!" Doule D replies, "Yes Edna, they're beautiful!" Ed, Eddy, May, and Nazz also show up and are amazed by the illuminating ceiling.
Eddy turns on the lights and says, "... What's with the 80's stuff in the room?" Edna then replies, "... Well what's with the 70's stuff in YOUR room?" Eddy and Edna then look at eachother for a long period of time until Eddy replies, "... You're alright Edna!"
So the other Eds go to their houses but Eddy has plans in the morning.
NEXT TIME: Gone Fishing!