Ed, Edd, Eddy, n Edna
Chapter 7: Edna vs Kevin!
Morning comes and then Edna wakes up and looks at her VHS collection. May gets up and sees her going through the collection and says to her "BFF", "Morning Edna, what's up?"
Edna replies, "Well May I'm going through the VHS collection of 80's stuff my older sister left me an... AHA! I FOUND IT! Oh you and the Eds will like this movie!" Edna then shows May a VHS tape labeled "Twice Upon a Time- HBO version"
(The movie does exist! And I saw both versions!)
May asks Edna, "Umm what's Twice Upon a Time? And howcome I never heard of it?"
Edna then answers, "Oh c'mon May, Cartoon Network showed it a couple months ago! Ok, I'll tell you the complexed plot of this forgotten stop motion 80's classic in a way you can understand it... oh and THE George Lucas was involved with it!"
"Once upon a time, there were some people called the Rushers of Din. Each night as they slept, sweet dreams were delivered to them from sunny Frivoli, while nightmares came to them from the mysterious Murkworks. But the malevolent master of the Murk, Synonamess Botch, was not content. He wanted the Rushers to have non-stop nightmares. To do that, he would need to gain control of the Cosmic Clock. To accomplish this, he kidnaps the deliverers of the dreams, Greensleeves and the Figmen of Imagination, and then tricks Ralph, the All-Purpose Animal and his pal Mumford into stealing the mainspring from the Cosmic Clock. Realizing they've been tricked, Ralph and Mumford try to get the spring back and prevent Botch from unleashing his nightmare bombs. Along the way, they get help from their Fairy Godmother, Greensleeves' niece Flora Fauna, the junior varsity superhero Rod Rescueman, and Botch's own head nightmare writer, Scuzzbopper."
May then coments, "Wow, you sure know alot about the 80's Edna, I wonder if Eddy knows alot about the 70's too."
Edna then says, "Also two versions of the movie exists, one that was shown on HBO has bad words in it and one one Showtime and Cartoon Network had no bad words in it... and big sis taped the HBO copy!"
Edna and May hear the screams of three boys and Edna says, "Oh good, the boys came to see me... What's up Ed....uh oh!" Double D then says to Edna as he catches his breath, "Edna... watch out... Kankers...they have a wrecking ball!"
Sure enough,Lee and Marie Kanker show up in a crane that they are somehow driving and it is equipped with a wrecking ball. Lee then says, "It's payback time Edna! And yes we know where you live!" Marie operates the crane and is about to use the wrecking ball to destroy Edna's house but it accidentally destroys the top of Kevin's house.
Kevin is taking a bath and upon seeing this he yells out, "What the heck man!" Then as bathtub slides off the floor he shouts, "No no no no no no!" Then he and the bathtub falls out of the house and smashes on Kevin's front lawn, leaving him bare naked... just like that guy on that show "American Boy"... or was it "Family Man"?
Lee and Marie see this and they drive away with Lee saying, "Let's get out of here... he might not have "homeowner's insurance!" Marie giggles and says, "You said "homeowner"."
Kevin gets up and then he sees Edna. Edna then says, "Geez man, sorry about what those two did an... umm why do you wear your hat in the bath? Unless it involves your bal..."
Kevin gets annoyed and says to her, "Let it rest! I just like wearing it!"
(If you readers ever see the EEnE episode "A Boy & His Ed" he does wear his hat in the bath! I dunno why he does it either)
But then Edna sees something shocking between Kevin's legs...
Edna then tries to hold in her laughter and then with a sheepish grin she says, "Oh...so...that's why you keep calling the Eds "dorks"...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU CALL THEM DORKS....BECAUSE YOU REALLY ARE COMPENSATING FOR SOMETHING, YOU HAVE A TINY LIL DO..."
Kevin covers Edna's mouth and says, "Please don't tell anyone, I'll do anything!"
Edna then says, "Well well well... looks like you're about to have a taste of your own medicine!" Kevin then says, "What do you mea...oh no... did Eddy tell you?" Edna replies, "Yes...he did, he told me that when you found out his middle name was Skipper, you blackmailed him by making him buy him a soda, dress up as Jimmy, Kiss Edd, Do Seal tricks, Eat a fish, and act like he wet himself when Kevin squirts him with a watergun...AND YOU TOLD EVERYONE ANYWAY!"
Kevin then says, "Yeah I remember that episode "Your Ed here", Double D's middle name was funnier! Umm hey wait are you going to do what I think you're going to do?"
Edna then says, "Well since I know your secret I'm telling everyone about this...even Nazz!"
Kevin grabs Edna's legs and he says, "Wait! Look I'm sorry, and I apologize to Eddy about what I did... please don't tell everyone and especially Nazz!"
Edna then shrugs him off and says, "Sorry Kevin but you made your ring, now wrestle in it!" Kevin then goes inside his house and puts on his clothes and runs off screaming, "EDNA! NO! DON'T TE... oh no!"
Soon a festival is being held in the middle of the Cul-de-sac and hotdogs are givin out for free and Kevin sees Edna and May cooking the hotdogs. Sarah goes up to Kevin and says, "Check it out Kevin, this hot dog is huge!" Nazz laughs when she eats her hotdog, and Johnny 2x4 then says to Kevin, "Wow! so that's why you keep calling the Eds dorks because your dork is smaller than this hotdog!"
Kevin gets so angry and Edna then says to him, "What's up "teeny weeny"?" Kevin then says, "How could you! I didn't even do anything to you!" Edna replies, "It's not what you did to me... It's what you did to Eddy! You did the same thing to Eddy! So it isn't funny when it happens to you now does it?" Eddy then says, "That's right! My middle name might be "Skipper" but you have a tiny dork! AHAHAHA!"
Double D then says, "Well even though I don't approve of Edna's plan, Kevin should deserve his comeuppance once in a while... plus he made Eddy kiss me during the "skipper incident" so therefore I don't blame you Edna." Ed looks down his pants and says, "Mine's bigger than Kevin's!" Then he pulls a relish dog out of his pants and eats it.
Kevin is so furious at all this, that he grabs Edna's glasses and breaks them and laughs in his usual cruel way, then he sees May Kanker and says, "Geez Nazz's genepool is more like a cesspool.... her friend is a dog! Haw Haw Haw!. Edna shivers, remembers all the mean things Kevin has done to the Eds, and so she looks at Kevin with flames in her eyes and says in a unusual calm way...
"You can steal my butter, you can eat my bread... BREAK MY GLASSES AND HURT MY "NAKAMA", AND CONSIDER YOURSELF DEAD!"
(This scene would be more awesome when you play the song "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence at the point where it gets really cool)
And with that Edna grabs Kevin by the collar and slaps him around. Kevin steps back and pulls out plank and then he attempts to strike Edna with it but then she dodges it only for him to miss and Johnny takes Plank from him. Kevin and Edna then start punching eachother only for Kevin to have his tooth knocked out and Edna has a bruise on her arm.
Kevin is grabbing Edna by the hair, only for her to pull out some hotdogs and stuffs them into Kevin's mouth and while he is confused by this she jumps at him and they both fall into the ground.
Kevin then picks up mud and throws it at Edna's face, causing her to fall to the ground but not before she grabs Kevin's pants and they fall down, revealing to everyone that there was a reason why Kevin had a thing for the word "Dork" so everyone but Nazz laughs at him, she is shocked at Kevin's actions.
Kevin pulls up his pants and says to Edna, "Nazz's cousin or not, you are so dead!" Kevin plans to kick Edna on the side but Edna grabs Kevin's leg and makes him trip, and then Edna starts pummeling him while saying, "You asked for this!"
As the two fight Lee and Marie show up. Lee then says, "After Kevin's done I want a piece of her!" But then they sees how roughed up Kevin is and Edna then says, "Want some of this too!" Marie is shocked and grabs Lee and runs off. Lee asks Marie, "Hey I wanted to fight her!" Marie then says, "Lee if there is something you should remember is that if you see someone beating up Kevin then that means we're no match for that person! Also I think she knocked out one of his teeth!"
The fight lasted for 8 minutes and Kevin is in a rougher shape. Nazz then jumps in and shouts, "STOP IT! JUST STOP IT! Just what are you fighting about anyway?"
Edna then says, "Ok cousin, this "jerkweed" has been mean to the Eds for a long time and blackmailed Eddy to keep a secret and told everyone anyway, then I finally discover his secret and did the same thing to him only it made him break my glasses and continued to do mean things to the Eds... plus he said something that made May cry.
Nazz is shocked and says, "But Kevin says he likes to joke around alot, he doesn't mean those things!" Edna is shocked and says, "So let me get this straight... when Kevin acts like a "jerkweed" to the Eds you just laugh and assume he is joking... are you that "blonde"? No offence May." May responds "Non taken!"
Nazz then looks at Kevin and says to him in a stern way, "You lied to me! First you said you were joking with the Eds when you made Eddy kiss Double D, then it turns out you liked to harass Eddy and then you broke my cousin's glasses and found it funny..."
Everyone was shocked as Nazz slaps Kevin as hard as she could! Nazz then walks away, saying, "I thought you would make boyfriend material but in the end, you really are a...
DORK!... Plus now I know why you're obsessed with that word... "teeny weenie"! C'mon Edna, I'll get my mom to help you get new glasses!"
As Nazz walks away with Edna, Edna then says to everyone, "I apologize for my action but I do not tolerate bullies at all and my older sister tells me nothing good comes out of them... c'mon May!"
So the three walk away.
Eddy looks at Kevin and says, "Wow... looks like you finally got what's coming to you!" Kevin is speechless by what has happened. So the Eds just walks out of there, unaware that Rolf is making off with all the sausages while no one's looking.
Everyone is watching the HBO version of "Twice Upon a Time", May then says, "Can cartoon characters really say such words in a 80's animated movie?" Double D then replies, "Well that's what happens when you hire improve comedians to do a animated movie, especially Marshal Efron!" Ed watches it and says, "That "all purpose animal" sounds like Garfield!"
Edna is on the couch, unable to see good because of her nearsightedness and she says, "Darn that Kevin, now I have to wait for chapter 8 for a new pair of glasses, just what did you see in him anyway cousin Nazz?" Nazz replies, "He was good looking, athletic, had alot in common with him, but I was a fool to not see through for who he is, plus I know by now that you don't tolerate bullies at all! Especially Kevin and those two Kanker Sisters!"
Eddy then asks, "You really did a number on him, how did you learn to fight?" Edna replies, "My older sister is a whiz at fighting, especially those who like to bully, I hate bullies!" Eddy then says, "My older brother is a whiz at stuff to... oh right he's dating your older sister, umm what's her name?"
Edna replies, "It's Emily, Emily Erma Espinoza... what's your older brother's name?"
Eddy then says, "Well my older brother's name is...
WE INTERRUPT THIS FANFIC FOR THE FOLLOWING NEWS!
In the next chapter Edna's friends discover her true fear... what is it? have you been following the hints? you did? good! Then stick around for the next chapter you luckies... bye nii!