Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
A Rod Serling like narrarator shows up and says to the readers, "This is the story of a average kid who no one understands...well you know how the song goes, well anyway this is the story of what if one day a young boy named Timmy Turner discovers something no kid should ever get into but does anyway since boys will be boys... so Timmy Turner will open that bottle and end up in a one way ticket into... THE CHROMAZONE!" Cosmo then says, "Hey you! Get back to your own show!" And with that the narrarator just vanishes.

One day, Wanda was playing with baby Poof while Cosmo ate a eggplant panini...with his feet. Timmy was busy reading "Da Rules", a large rulebook that contains rules of what children can and cannot wish for. Wanda asks Timmy, "Timmy are you looking in the rulebook so you can find loopholes in wishes... again?"

Timmy then continues reading and says, "AHA! They don't cover it!" Cosmo then asks, "Cover what? The rule about eating sandwiches with you feet?' Cosmo is then eating a sandwich with his feet once more. Timmy then says, "Ok... what's the one thing a kid should never get but is never told why?"

"Access to "The Naughty Boy Channel"? asked Wanda.

"A pet monkey?" asked Cosmo. Poof just giggles.

Timmy then says, "Not those... although access to "The Naughty boy channel" does sound sweet, I'm talking about "Hootch", "booze", "lager", "browar", "chmiel", "une mousse", "cervesa", "birra", "brewski", "ein bierchen", "pint..."

Cosmo then asks, "In english please."


Wanda is shocked and says, "TIMMY! You're waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too young to be drinking that sort of garbage! And second..." Timmy interrupts her, "But Wanda I checked the rulebook and is says NOTHING about wishing for beer... so make with the razzle dazzle... please?" Wanda speed-reads the rulebook and says to Timmy, ".... You're right! I guess we have no choice... plus you did say please."

With a depressing look on her face, Wanda as well as Cosmo make the wish come true. Appearing in a poof of smoke with the word "BOOZE" on it. Timmy's room is surrounded by ludicris abounts of alcoholic drinks and beer, especially beers from around the word.

Timmy then opens a bottle of Duff Beer and at first he didn't like it but then... he downs it while Cosmo chants, "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" Timmy downed it and shouts, "I LIKE BEER! BUUUURRRRP!"

Wanda then shows Timmy Poof and says, "Do you really want to set a bad example for your fairy godbrother?" Timmy then says in a drunken stuper, "Bite my pink fleshy butt! HA HA HA!" Wanda then says, "I sure hope Timmy learns something from this... right Cosmo? Cosmo? ... COSMO!"

Cosmo is holding a beer in his hand, covered in cotton candy and says in a drunken stupor, "Lookit me, I'm a fluffy pink cloud!" Timmy turns on the TV and says, Hey Cosmo... I have a idea... let's play a drinking game! Ok... everytime the little blue guys on TV say the word "Smurf"... we drink! Whoever has to go peepee loses!" Cosmo then says, "You're on!"

(5 Minutes Later)

Timmy loses and is holding a bottle of Budweiser and says, "Looks like I lost!" Cosmo then grabs Timmy's bottle of Budweiser and says, "Hey Timmy... gimme a swig of that!" Timmy looks at the bottle and says, "Umm because my dad had cornbeef and cabbage the bathroom is used all day... so this bottle is my bathroom!" The two just laugh themselves silly.

Wanda is changing Poof and says, "This is more disgusting than the "Supertoilet" incident." Cosmo then drunkenly says, "Forget that jerk! He owes me $3.50! If he was here I'd make him into a pile of porceline!" Wanda then says, "Look behind you! It's Supertoilet!" Cosmo is worried and asks, "WHERE?"

Timmy hands cosmo a can of beer while Timmy puts his hand over his can of beer and chants, "Ziggy Socky, Ziggy Socky, Hoy, Hoy, Hoy! Ziggy Socky, Ziggy Socky, Hoy, Hoy, Hoy". Cosmo then says, "You know Timmy, since we're surrounded by all this hootch how about we sing our favorite song!"

Wanda puts earplugs on Poof and herself and says, "Oh no! Not that! Anything but that!"

Timmy and Cosmo then sing:

99 bottles of beer on the wall,

99 bottles of beer,

You take one down, pass it around

98 bottles of beer on the wall!

98 bottle of beer on the wall,

98 bottles of beer,



They laugh hysterically while Wanda asks Cosmo, "Hey isn't that cheating?" Cosmo then says, "Hey! The rulebook has nothing on "99 bottles of beer on the wall!"

Timmy then pics up a bottle of Rolling Rock beer and starts drinking it while playing the latest "Crash Nebula" video game game and drunkenly shouts, "THIS GAME IS BULLS&^T IT'S LIKE PUKE UP A DONKEY'S ARSE! WHAT A S&^T LOAD OF MOTHER F&^ING BULLF*^K!"

Wanda then stuffs her's and Poof's ears with cotton upon hearing how horrible Timmy's impersonation of the Angry Video Game Nerd sounded like. Cosmo then laughs out loud and asks Timmy, "Hey Angry video game Timmy, can you review my "Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde" nintendo game?"

Timmy then says, "I'd rather eat the rotten assh**e of a roadkill skunk and drink it down with beer than review that piece of crap!" Cosmo then says, "Well I guess I will have to review it myself as "The Nostalgic Cosmo"... I remember it so you don't have to!"

Suddenly they hear the door open and Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof morph into a green bottle, a pink bottle, and a purple bottle.

It's was Timmy's father Mr. Turner. He sees the room surrounded in beer and alcoholic beverages as well as Timmy in a drunken stupor. Mr. Turner than looks around and says to Timmy, "Gasp! This room is full of enough liquor to support a french family of four... Ok son... where did you get this liquor?" Timmy drunkenly replies, "Umm... the internet?"

Mr. Turner then says, "Ok young man I will not use my rarely used fatherly skills to punish... HEY! Isn't that "Schwarzenlager: the beer of German actors"? Can I please have it? I'll be your friend!" Timmy then makes a stupid drunken grin and asks, "I dunno... will you let me drink some more and not tell mom about it?" Mr. Turner then nods his head while making begging puppy noises and Timmy just passes the bottle of "Schwarzenlager: the beer of German actors" to him.

(5 minutes later)

Timmy then says to his dad, "So THAT's your real name? No wonder why you rarely mention what your name is." Timmy's dad then says in a faux-canadian accent, "HA! I'll drink mooshead beer to that you hoser, eh? Ka-roo-koo-koo-a-koo-koo-koo! Good Day, eh?"

Timmy's dad then sees Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof and says to Timmy in his faux-canadian accent, "Hey I see imaginary fairies you hoser, I really am that fit-shaced eh?"

Timmy then says to Cosmo, "Cool, dad thinks you guys are hallucinations! Now bring out the Samuel Jackson beer!" Then Samuel Jackson appears with beer and shouts, "DRINK MY BEER YOU MOTHER F&^KERS!"

After Samuel Jackson vanishes Timmy watches a internet video of Chris Crocker shouting, "LEAVE BRITNEY BRITNEY ALONE!" Then laughing until he spilt his Samuel Jackson beer and Cosmo drinks it.

Timmy, Mr. Turner, and Cosmo are then drinking Alamo Beer. Timmy then says, "Yup!" Mr. Turner then says, "Yup!" And Cosmo says, "Yup... What does that mean anyway?" Timmy then says, "It means I better drink this!" Timmy pulls out a can of "Pawtucket Patriot" beer and says to Cosmo, "It was prescribed to me by Dr. Hartmann"

(Cutaway begins)

Dr. Elmer Hartmann gives Timmy a six-pack of Pawtucket Patriot and says to him, "There you go! That aughta make those cooties go away, Now I got to give a six pack to my next patient Carter Pewterschmit"

(Cutaway ends)

Timmy then says to his dad, "You let me drink beer... and you let Vicky tourture me when she babysits me... you're a bad father ha ha ha!" Timmy's dad replies, "I know I am son... I know I am... AHAHAHAHA!" Timmy then says to his dad, "I love you man!" Timmy's dad then says, "You're still not getting my beer!" Then the two and Cosmo pass out.

Wanda and Poof turn into fish and puts Poof to bed in the fishbowl, thinking, "I hope Timmy sees that this loophole in the rulebook will spell out doom for us all..."

(The next morning)

Timmy wakes up and is surrounded by piles empty cans of beer. Wanda and Poof are in fish form in their tank while Cosmo is fish form is sleeping in a cup of hairy navel highball.

Mrs. Turner comes into Timmy's room in a blindfold and wakes Timmy up saying, "Hi honey, I just got back from experimental unnessessary lazer surgery now get to school right now!"

Timmy wakes up with a hangover as he slowly gets ready for school. Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof appear as buttons on Timmy's "silly pink hat" and Wanda then says, "Oh dear, How are you going to get out of this hangover before school starts?" Timmy then says, "If there is one thing I know about Dean Martin is that if he ever had a hangover he'd... get drunk all over again!" And the theme to "Popeye" plays as Timmy opens a can of Shotz Beer and drinks it and makes a loud belch.

While Mrs. Turner drives Timmy to school... blindfolded, Mr. Turner wakes up and picks up the bottle of Budweiser that Timmy did his "business" in last night. He drinks it and spits it out, saying, "Now I know how the state trooper felt in "Dumb and Dumber" Man this headache is killing me!" And then the theme to "Popeye" plays as Mr. Turner opens a can of Girlie Girl Beer and drinks it, then he sits on a sofa with one hand stuck under the waistband of his pants.

Then Mr. Dinkleberg looks at Mr. Turner through the window and says, "Hiya neighbor!" Mr. Turner then says in a sullen voice, "DINKLEBERG!" Then he smashes the beer bottle into the shape of a makeshift knife and goes to the Dinkleberg house for reasons left to the reader's imagination.

On the way to school, Mrs. Turner then drives like Matt Murdock in that one scene in the R-rated version of "Daredevil" While she and Timmy sing together:

"99 bottles of beer on the wall,

99 bottles of beer,

You take one down, pass it around

98 bottles of beer on the wall!

98 bottle of beer on the wall,

98 bottles of beer,



(Well a good joke is worth repeating, am I right fans?)

At school Timmy is staggering around the school until he enters "Sex Education" by accident. The teacher of the school sees Timmy and asks, "Excuse me young man but aren't you a bit too young to be in this class, also do you even have a permission slip?" Timmy then slurs, "Permission slip sh-ermission sh-lip... let's see some boobies! BUUURRRP!" The teacher then drags Timmy out of class and says, "Now go see Principal Waxelplax young man!" And with that Timmy just smiles and says, "Okie Dokie!" and staggers into Crocker's class... which turned out that Recess just started.

The other kids are a bit confused by Timmy's actions such as doing a conga-line... by himself, as well as going around asking other kids to pull his finger. Francis Parker the school bully goes up to him and says to him as he intends to beat him up, "Hey Turner... can I join the conga-line?" Timmy replies, "I dunno, can you? HA HA HA BUURRP!" Francis then (for the very first time) laughs extremely hard and says to Timmy, "You're alright Turner, you're pretty funny! Can you say something funny again?" Timmy then walks around in a circle and slurs, "Crock-pot's mother is so old that she knew Burger King when he was still a prince!"

As Timmy, Francis and the other kids laugh extremely loud, Mr. Crocker in his fairy-hunting gear then thinks to himself, Hmmm... young Turner appears to be intoxicated and insulting my mother, but how can he get his grubby mits on alcohol? That can mean only one thing... (gasps) ... He must have paid a homeless man to buy him some liquor!

Crocker then looks at the readers and asks, "Well what do you expect me to say? (spasms) FAIRY GODPARENTS? Oh great I spasmed myself into a wedgie!"

Then Trixie Trang goes up to Timmy and says, "Oh I love vulgar humor, I so want to be your girlfriend!" Timmy then burps at Trixie's face and says, "Screw you "Bitchy Mcpepsquad"! Your ego is as big as your badunkadunk! So make like a tree... and get out of here!"

Trixie then turns red... then purple in the face and says, "Fine! Then that means I'm going to be the girlfriend of that bracefaced kid other there!" Then she hugs Chester Mcbadbat and then his hives develop as he squeals, "Oh no... I'm allergic to girls!" Timmy then drinks from a flask and says, "What's da matter... ya gay or something? HA HA HA BUUURRRPPP!"

(The Author has no control over what Timmy Turner says, Timmy's just horribly horribly horribly drunk so please don't take anything he says seriously... although the "budunkadunk" line was pretty hilarous! Umm I mean yeah... he's just drunk!)

A.J. then observes Timmy's strange behavior and thinks to himself, "Oh no... Timmy apparently found beer, I feared for this day to happen... however since everyone in Dimmsdale is a dimwit... except for me I guess they won't notice a thing. Then A.J. hears a voice telling him, "I know he's drunk... But I just don't care!" Then A.J. hears another voice says to him, "I don't know what's worse... harpoons or seeing that kid drunk as a skunk?" Then it turns out to be Molly and Dwight. A.J. asks them, "Ummm do I know you?" Molly replies, "Nope, we're just here in a cameo role to suprise die hard fans of the series." A.J. is just confused and gives up, thinking there is no way to stop Timmy from his drunkeness.

Sanjay then goes up to Timmy and asks him, "I see the "funny juice" made you funny, can I have a taste?" Timmy then passes a flask to Sanjay and he drinks it and then Timmy says to Sanjay, "How about we do some loud singing? Any idea for a song?" Sanjay then suggests, "How about we sing "Yogi Bear" that's a great song when you feel "funny"

(Sung to the tune of "Camptown Races")

"I know someone you don’t know, Yogi, Yogi,
I know someone you don’t know, Yogi, Yogi Bear.
Yogi, Yogi Bear. Yogi, Yogi Bear.
I know someone you don’t know, Yogi, Yogi Bear..

Yogi has a little friend, Booboo, Booboo.
Yogi has a little friend, Booboo, Booboo Bear.
Booboo, Booboo Bear. Booboo, Booboo Bear
Yogi has a little friend, Booboo, Booboo.

(The rest of that beer song is vulgar and I am not going to risk the "T" rating!)

While Sanjay is singing loudly, he accidentally drops his flask and Elmer then sees the flask and says to his boil, "Oh look Bob, looks like we're getting a free juicebox!" Elmer then drinks it and then he feels weird and his boil "bob" explodes. Elmer then thinks to himself, "Good... now that he's gone I'm my own person... now he won't be around to tell me to start fires anymore! Then Elmer skips away happily.

Timmy then staggers away from the other kids and then he sees Tootie playing with a doll that looks like herself and a Crimson Chin toy with a silly pink hat on him. Timmy then hugs Tootie and says to her, "Oh baby I love you... will you be my girlfriend?" Tootie is just shocked and turns around and asks Timmy, "ARE...YOU...SERIOUS? OH TIMMY! I THOUGHT I'D NEVER HEAR THOSE WORDS FROM YOU! NOW I'M JUST A STEP CLOSER TO HEAVEN... I mean being with my sister is heck enough but still... OH TIMMY!"

Timmy then says, "Gives us a kiss then my sweet treat!" Tootie then kisses him then notices something, Tootie then smells something horrible and looks at Timmy who appears to be drunk allover again and she says, "Phew Timmy... you smell like someone who threw up and ate the throw up and throwed up again... oooohhh now I get it... now tell me how did you get liquor?" Timmy then hiccuped and says, "The internet? BURP!" Tootie then says, "I know what to do in order to get you to like me more... Hey what am I doing? I'm only 10 years old... I can't get beer from the internet and you can't drink either"

Timmy then falls unconcious to the ground.

Then Tootie is rolling Timmy to his house and she says, "Good thing the principal decided to have me volunteer to send you home, I feel bad about lying to her that you got sick but if you stay drunk then you would like me but then again it makes me feel horrible... my head hurts!"

Tootie then places the knocked out Timmy in his lawn and Tootie kisses his forehead as she walks home and wonders if she should get Timmy more beer since he likes her while drunk or should she NOT use it to her advantage.

Wanda then says to Timmy, Well congradulations Timmy... you succeeded in making a total jackass out of yourself in school! See what beer can do to your thinking?" Timmy then slurs, "Shut up Wanda! I got a killer headache and I think I might need another can of bee..." Then as Timmy goes back to sleep Cosmo laughs histerically, "HA HA HA HA... Budunkadunk... HA HA HA HA!" Wanda then frowns apon their actions.

(A hour later)

Mrs. Turner then she bumps into Timmy by accident and tells him as she adjusts her blindfold, "Honey I got to take your father to rehab (whispers) he apparently found some hootch (normal voice) So anyway while I drive him to rehab you will be babysat by Vicky so get ready for tonight!"

As Mrs. Turner drives away and crashes into the Dinkleberg's house... and Mr. Turner pulling out another broken beer bottle. Timmy gets a idea and exposes a toothy grin. Wanda then says, "Umm Timmy... what are you up to?" A now sober Cosmo then asks, "Yeah Timmy, Normally when you hear about Vicky coming over to the house you make puddles on the floor... what's up?" Timmy then drinks a bottle of "Pan galactic gargle blaster" then sparks up a idea and tells Cosmo and Wanda, "Guys... I think I'm going to do to Vicky what I should've done a loooonnng time ago! And it's going to be funny!"

Wanda asks, "Is it going to be "funny haha" or "funny uh oh"?' Then Timmy takes another sip of that intergalactic ale and says, "It's more like "funny I peed my pants funny" Wanda then panics and Poof giggles and Cosmo then says, "Speaking of "funny I peed my pants funny"... I just went!"

Timmy Turner is about to be babysat by Vicky the Babysitter but this time... Timmy got so "fit-shaced" enough to come up with a very convincing plan to get rid of her forever...

Timmy then drinks a bottle of "Elsinor Beer" and makes a call on the telephone and says in a faux-whining voice, "... I want to report my babysitter... she...she...she "molestered" me! And she plans on doing it to me again tonight! Oh and search her for evidence please!"

Wanda flies towards Timmy with Poof in her arms and asks, "Timmy... what exactly are you up to?" Timmy then makes a sinister toothy grin and says, "Now we play the waiting game!" Wanda rolls her eyes and says to herself, "If I was in charge of that fairy rulebook, I'd make it easer to read than that "handbook for the recently deceased"

Timmy turns on the TV and the announcer then says in a sexy sultry voice,

"Up next on the Naughty Boy channel it's Ashley Ketchem and Misty Waters starring in "Poke-a-man"... and then it's the classic 3D0 game made into a movie, "Plumbers don't wear ties" This is the Naughty Boy channel and boy are you naughty!"

Cosmo then shouts, "YAY POKEMON!" Wanda is horrified as she covers Poof's eyes and says, "OH MY FAIRY GODPARENTS! Cosmo you are in so much trouble!"

(2 hours later)

Vicky the babysitter shows up at the Turner house and is carrying a whip and a maid outfit Timmy's size. Vicky then thinks to herself, "Once the twerp's parents are gone, the fun will begin! I'm so going to make that twerp do disgusting things I don't even want to do like clean the toilet, picking up after doidle, watch "Glitter", and clean my bellybutton... HA HA HA HA!"

The minute Vicky enters the room she notices it seems empty, she shouts, "WHERE ARE YOU YA TWERP!" Then she hears Timmy's voice shout out, "I'm in the kitchen "Icky Vicky!" Vicky then gets furious and shouts as she runs in the kitchen, "YOU'RE SO GOING TO PAY YOU TWERP!"

But then Vicky sees a cameraman behind the wall and a man in a suit arrive in the kitchen while a sternographer types down everything what's going on.

Chris Hensen: Who are you? Have a seat! Have a seat! Have a seat!


(Vicky pulls out a gun but for some unknown reason the gun turns into a ketchup bottle)

Chris Hensen: I might have been funny in "South Park" but it isn't funny here, now have a seat! Anyway I have been told that you come to this house repeatedly and continually molest this boy but this time we got a unanimous report that you gave him beer. Also we got a transcript of a very explicit chat under your AOL screenname "Imnotfrankyfoster2004" and the boy's screenname is "Crimsonchinfan2001"

Vicky: WHAAAT! No, I would call him names and force him to do useless chores but I'd never molest him!

Chris Hensen: Well the whip and maid outfit in your hands tell me that you're lying. This looks like the sort of thing a sicko who is into S & M would have on his person.

Vicky: ... Look I wanted to make him put it on and make him do chores but I would never molest him! Honest!

Chris Hensen: No... that counts as S & M, now what kind of braindead morons would continually hire you as a babysitter if you do such sick perverted acts to their son?

Timmy Turner: (slurring) Yesh my parents hire thish pervert to "babysit" me and do all sorts of things that would cost this fanfic this "T" rating.

(The boy falls to the ground and Chris Henson smells his breath and notices it smells like Chardonnay)

Chris Hensen: Now where would a girl like yourself get beer... and the whip and maid outfit the boy's size? And is he watching "Poke-a-man" starring adult actresses Ashley Ketchem and Misty Waters?


Chris Hensen: Umm... yep! You're 16... you constantly come here and either abuse or molest the boy, you have a whip and maid outfit for him, and despite your age you admit you possess alcohol and you somehow let the boy get into it. Now it says here that other than the fact that your AOL screenname is "Imnotfrankyfoster2004", your name is Vicky... do you have a last name?

Vicky: Actually I refuse to give out my last name... I belive some kid I babysat out there might have a DEATH NOTE and if he find out what my last name is then it's the end of me!

(Chester Mcbadbat's trailer)

Chester has his Death Note out and he is watching "Dateline: to catch a predator" and he says, "Dammit! When is she going to give out her last name? Well at least I give kudos to Timmy for making it look like Vicky molested him... took him long enough!

Ryuk then goes insane and twists himself into a pretzel and Chester tells him, "For the last time Ryuk! We're too poor to afford apples for your apple habit!"

(Back at Timmy's house)

Chris Hensen then ends the interview and then Vicky pulls out a kitchen knife and goes after him with it thinking to herself, "Now why didn't the pervs just think about attacking him, he isn't armed!"

Chris Hensen then pulls out a BFG 9000 (the same weapon from "DOOM") and points it to Vicky and tells her, "You're like the 4th person who assumed I was unarmed well you thought wrong, bake her away toys! Umm I mean take her away boys!" Vicky tried to escape but ended up being tackles while Cosmo videotapes this and says to Wanda, "This will look great on yootoob!"

Vicky is being dragged away kicking and screaming and well... this is the last time Timmy will ever see her!

When Chris and everyone leaves the house, Timmy then shouts, "YAHOO! NO MORE ICKY VICKY! And I owe it all to this magic elixer called "alcohol"!"

Then Cosmo and Wanda dread in fear over what the drunken Timmy then yells out...


To Cosmo and Wanda's horror, Timmy says that and then they magically disappear. Timmy sees this and then he says in a drunken state, "Oh look, I see they're taking a vacation to "Dairyworld" Have a nice time" Then Timmy falls to the ground, happy that Vicky will no longer abuse him again... that and he has a huge stash of beer, unaware of what he just did!

(Cut to a newsroom)

We interrupt this fanfic with a news update

Chet Ubecha appears in a newsroom and broadcasts this bulletin:

"Hello Dimmsdale and readers of this site I have a important announcement... this is the only chapter I appear in. well anyway here's the recap. Timmy Turner realizes that wishing for beer is not covered in the fairy rulebook so like any reckless kid he decides to do so by drinking and causing alot of awkward moments to happen and made fun of Trixie's badunkadunk... plus he peed in a beer bottle and his dad drank it just like that scene in "Dumb and Dumber".

Then it gets worse folks, Timmy used his drunkeness to come up with a plan to get rid of Vicky forever involving Chris Hensen and "Dateline: to catch a predator" and after a few more drinks he admit that "he is happy and he doesn't need his fairies anymore" and so Cosmo and Wanda disappear and Timmy is unaware of it. Now we cut to Timmy waking up and realizing what he just did.

Oh and in other news, Britney Britney admits she is creeped out by Chris Crocker's video on TooYube "Leave Britney Britney alone!" and yes Chris Crocker is "crockpot's" cousin! Also in other news, more criminals die of heart attacks and I doubt it has anything to do with Chester Mcbadbat's new "notebook".

Now back to the fanfic in progress

Timmy Turner wakes up with a headache. Poof was nudging him till he is fully away. Timmy then says, "Oh man, hey Poof, where is Cosmo and Wanda?" Poof kept saying "Poof! Poof!" Timmy is shocked and says, "What's that boy? Timmy fell down the well? Umm I mean, Cosmo and Wanda are not here?"

Poof then uses his magic to replay a scene from the last chapter.

"Vicky is being dragged away kicking and screaming and well... this is the last time Timmy will ever see her!

When Chris and everyone leaves the house, Timmy then shouts, "YAHOO! NO MORE ICKY VICKY! And I owe it all to this magic elixer called "alcohol"!"

Then Cosmo and Wanda dread in fear over what the drunken Timmy then yells out...


To Cosmo and Wanda's horror, Timmy says that and then they magically disappear. Timmy sees this and then he says in a drunken state, "Oh look, I see they're taking a vacation to "Dairyworld" Have a nice time" Then Timmy falls to the ground, happy that Vicky will no longer abuse him again... that and he has a huge stash of beer, unaware of what he just did!"

Timmy's eye bulge and his jaw drops! Timmy then looks at Poof and says, "Let me guess... you're still here because you don't have a fairy godchild... but I performed "the worst deed" and now they're gone...


Poof then points at the stash of beer. Timmy then says to himself and Poof, "Now I know why kids aren't supposed to have beer... it impairs their judgement and makes them foolish... it costed me Cosmo and Wanda... it causes headaches... plus I think I have liver cancer... AND THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT YOU BOTTLES OF POISON"

Poof then transforms into a axe and Timmy then proceeds to destroy every bottle of alcohol with the poof-axe then he falls to the ground and breaks down crying. Poof then turns back to normal and then tries to confort Timmy but he ends up crying with Timmy while saying in his own words, "MOMMA! PAPPA! WAAAHHH!"

Then the curtain drops in this stage and sad music plays.

Then all of a sudden, fairy versions of Crystal, Ronette, and Chiffon from "Little Shop of Horrors" flies towards the audience and sing their song about what happened after Timmy's abuse of wishing for beer and the fact that Timmy's not the only kid with that horrible idea...:

(Sung to the tune of "Don't feed the plants" from "Little Shop of Horrors". The song appears in the stage musical and the alternate ending to the movie)

"Subsequent to the events you have just witnessed

Similar events in cities across America

Events which bore a striking resemblance

To the ones you have just seen- began occurring

Subsequent to the events you have just witnessed,

Unsuspecting Kids from Maine to California

Made the acquaintance of a new loophole of rules

And fairies got sweet-talked into feeding them beer.

(Tootie and Chester finally get fairy godparents... and they wish for beer!)

Thus the kids worked their terrible will

Finding fairies who would feed them their fill

And the kids proceeded to drink and drink...

And begin what they came here to do

Which was essentially to

drink in Cleveland and Des Moines

And Amity Park and New York

and where you live!

(Drunken kids rampage the many cities while a bunch of fairies appear and sing along to the rest of the song)

They may wish for fortune and fame

Love and money and instant acclaim

But whatever they wish for

Don't feed them beer!

They may wish for lot of cheap thrills

Fancy condos in Beverly Hills

But whatever they wish for

Don't feed them beer!

Look out! Here comes the fairies!

Look out!

Cosmo: Here I come for you!

Juandissimo Magnifico: I come for you!

Billy Crystal Ball: I come for you!

Simon Sparklefield: I come for you!

(The four fairies fly over kids and drop bottles of "Schwarzenlager: the beer of German actors" with parachutes on them to the kids. Jorgan Von Strangle collects two and starts drinking as well, the rampage and destruction the drunken kids cause continues and at one point a rather drunken Tad and Chad start spraying champagne on Trixie and Veronica. Chompy the goat drinks a beer and headbutts Doug Dimmadome while drunk.

Mr. Crocker sees all this and says to himself, "Without a doubt. This apocalyptic episode is caused by no other than... FAIRY GODPAREN...." But all of a sudden, Mr. Crocker spasmed to the point where his is head is up his... umm... you know! then he thinks to himself, "Mother was right, one day this would happen!")

Hold your hat and hang on to your soul

Something's coming to drink the world whole

If we fight it we've still got a chance

But whatever they wish for

Though they're slopping the trough for you

Please, whatever they wish for

Don't feed them beer!

April Fool: What's up with that?


However Timmy Turner makes a discovery, he finds out that...

The whole thing is a simulation!

Timmy was really watching the whole thing on Jorgan Von Strangle's crystal ball while Cosmo eats a eggpant panini... with his feet and Wanda holding Poof. Timmy then asks, 'Wait, wait, wait! You mean this whole thing is a dream? Does that mean we're pretty much a big middle finger to the reader?"

Jorgan then shouts at Timmy in his ususal german accent while strangling Binky Abdul, "NO DREAM! SIMULATION! NOW DO YOU SEE THE DANGERS OF WISHING FOR ADULT VICES WITH THE FAIRIES!" Timmy shivers and says, "Y...y...y...yes.... but is the musicial number even nessessary?"

Jorgan replies, "Umm... I just like musical numbers...AND YES IT IS! Now you see what why little kids should not drink beer, especially if they get their fairy godparents to give them it! BINKY! Give me da rulebook!"

Then Binky makes "Da Rules" appear and Jorgan blasts it with his giant wand and then he continues, "From now on, Fairies will never ever ever ever ever no matter how they cry or beg supply their fairy godchildren with alcohol, drugs, tobacco, firearms, and the winning odds in gambling... then again it counts as cheating so it's already in the rulebook but either way... NO ADULT VICES!"

Timmy asks, "Firearms?" Jorgan looks sad and says, "Yeah... there was a incident where a kid wished for a real rifle and well... he shot his eye out! You think something like this is funny in "A Christmas Story" but it isn't in that case... umm are you taking pictures of me crying Cosmo?" Cosmo then says, "Umm... nope! Eggplant Panini?" Jorgan then eats a eggplant panini... with his biceps.

Wanda then says, "See Timmy, parents/fairy godparents, we still have to be responcible for your well being therefore... no beer!

Timmy then says, "Well Wanda I have seen the light... from now on no it's clean living for me!" Jorgan then blurts out, "Oh and I know what you're thinking Turner, you are not wishing for access to "The Naughty Boy channel" that's also going to be in the rule book!"

Timmy snaps his fingers and says, "Darn! I had that idea! Jorgan just shouts, "LOOK! JUST BE GLAD YOU STILL HAVE COSMO, WANDA, AND THAT BABY! Now that I have shown you your dark future I must go... there is another boy who is using his fairies for adult vices and I got to show him his dark future as well!"

So Jorgan flies away on his jetpack and Binky just vanishes.

Timmy then looks at Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof and just drinks a bottle of chocolate milk to show that he will never cause that dark future to happen. Wanda then asks, "So now did you learn anything from all this?" Timmy replies, "Yes and now I know..." And Cosmo then replies, "And knowing is half the battle!"

Wanda then asks Cosmo, "Then what's the other half?" Cosmo then replies, "STUPIDITY! YEE HAA! Watch me put underwear on my head while I eat this eggplant panini with my feet!"

Timmy then says, "I feel like a changed kid... and now to make sure I don't have a dark future..."

(The next day at school)

Tootie is swinging on the swings by herself, but then she sees Timmy holding a box of chocolates and a bunch of roses.

Tootie's eyes are as huge as saucers and she asks, "For me? You mean it! OH TIMMY!" Then Tootie then hugs Timmy and then Trixie sees this and Timmy then says, "Sorry Trixie but your ego is as big as your "badunkadunk"!" Trixie is furious and walks away as she thinks to herself, "Why does everyone in this fanfic think I have a big "badunkadunk?"

Tootie then says, "Timmy I had the strangest dream... I dreamt that you actually liked me but in order to get you to like me I had to feed you beer! Umm are you drunk?" Timmy replies, "Nope, I'm only a kid!" Tootie is shocked and says, "So... you really like me and it has nothing to do with beer? Oh Timmy!"

Then as Timmy kisses his new girlfriend Tootie, Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof are in the form of birds and they perch on a tree watching this sweet scene.

Wanda then says to Cosmo, "I'm really proud of our Timmy, after seeing that dark future he's changed for the better!" Cosmo replies, "Yuck! Sweet cute endings make me sick!" Wanda then says, "Well I think it's best if this fanfic ends with a deliciously sweet happy ending after seeing those horrible images in that dark future Jorgan showed Timmy..."

Cosmo then says, "Point taken!" Poof then giggles at seeing Timmy kissing Tootie, creating a happy ending which the narrarrator thinks isn't creepier than the dark future Timmy almost created by wishing for beer. Wanda then text messages to Jorgan to thank him for showing Timmy what would happen if he wishes for beer... just as she planned!


Moral: Little kids should never ever ever no matter how hard they cry or beg ever get beer! The consiquences are very dire!

Then there is a image of the ocean making waves and the song "Take my Hand" by Toto from the movie "DUNE" plays in the background as we are shown images of the cast of characters and the credits...






MR. TURNER (still drunk)

MRS. TURNER (still blind folded)


















Patrick Stewart as Gurney Halleck

And Supertoilet as himself!

With apologies to David Lynch, Butch Hartman, Arnold Schwartzenegger, James Rolfe and my little brother.

Technomaru would like a special thank you to Emma Iveli, Jeraldine, and most of all...

his beautiful girlfriend for being a sweetie and not reading this story

And other special thank yous to all of the FOP fans around the world!

Number of Times the word "Budunkadunk" appears in this story: 6


Timmy Turner and Hootch by Technomaru

/ ©2009-2016 Technomaru
Plot Summary: One day Timmy Turner looks through "Da Rules" and realizes he can wish for the one thing that kids cannot drink that isn't covered by the rulebook... but just like what happens when you give a kid beer... STUFF WILL HAPPEN! Story contains moral in the end

Poof does appear in this!

The original title was "Timmy Turner and the Stupid Juice"

This fanfic was inspired by something I saw online that I just realized, I guess the fairies need to check up in "Da Rules" throughly or else this would happen...

I almost cancelled this fanfic due to my brother's drinking problem but I decided to do it, plus I asked permission before doing so so he won't think I'm making fun of him.

“Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that this chapter in no way endorses underage drinking.”


This is still continuing in but a special fan and good friend of mine (and a "All purpose cultural vampire kee kee girl") wanted me to post this there in all of it's sick and twisted glory so... here you go!

Oh and if anyone is ticked off about the story's content then... I'M SORRY!

plus if you have any negative comments about this story then direct them to that brick wall over there!

ORIGINAL CHAPTER TITLES (note they have a relating joke)

1. This Bud's for you
2. Great Taste Less Filling!
3. It's Miller Time
4. Leaving Dimmsdale
5. F.A.D.D. (Fairies Against Drunken Dimwits)
Add a Comment:
animegx43 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2011
Chester is the new Kira! HIDE YOUR FACE!
Technomaru Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2011
Well there HAS to be a reason why Vicky never gives out her last name!!!
PPG-Katelyn Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2010
ROFL! The whole thing was hilarious.:D It's like an actual episode only more T rated and with more pop culture references. You did an excellent job.:D
Technomaru Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2010
BlackRobtheRuthless Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2009  Hobbyist
Fairly OddParents is a kids show for crying out loud! couldn't you go with something more decent, like Timmy making a new kind of soft drink except when he first tests it he gets a few gaseous side effects like hiccuping or belching or something?
Technomaru Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2009
I got the idea from a Robot Chicken forum about new sketches and someone suggested one where Timmy wishes for beer and drugs.

So I took that Idea and wrote a fanfic to see where it would go, plus sometimes "da rules" often had technicallities that can be pointed out (HOW DID YOU THINK TIMMY WISHED FOR POOF? IF TIMMY COULD FIND THAT TECHNICALLITY THEN HE COULD EASILY FIND ONE FOR BEER, DRUGS, AND FIREARMS.... well ok not firearms because "you'll shoot your eye out")

However at the same time my brother developed a drinking problem so I decided to make this fanfic into a morality story (long story short: It would show the consiquences of Timmy's drinking in a way to make the reader think twice about starting such a habit) I added the ending where Timmy is fixed up with Tootie so the reader would forget about the dark future Timmy caused by encouraging other kids to use their fairies to get beer.

I also wanted to make fun of the show's quirks such as the way Crocker uses his line, the fact that Timmy's dad is negligent to his son, Timmy's dad's rivalry against dinkleberg, the fact that Trixie isn't into Timmy but Tootie is, the fact that Chester DOES develop hives when he is near a girl and how someone can say the same thing, and last but not least... the fact that Vicky is extremely abusive to Timmy that sometimes she might be accused to molesting him (SHE IS THAT EVIL RIGHT?!) And one fan would be asking to do a parody of "Dateline" where Vicky is accused of doing that she she pretty much is abusive (AND YES I HAVE SEEN HER WITH A WHIP AND A MAID'S OUTFIT TIMMY'S SIZE ON THE SHOW... IF A PERSON IN REAL LIFE POSSESSED SUCH ITEMS... DOES THAT SAY "molester"?) Well that and Chet Ubetcha appears in the story to point out that he only appears once in the story.

as a re-occuring theme to my fanfics I also add pop culture references such as when Timmy's dad drinks "girlie girl beer" he puts his hands in his pants, this is a reference to the tv sitcom character Al Bundy from "Married with Children" as girlie girl beer is Al's beer of choice. I got "Elsenor beer" from the movie "Strange Brew" and I made a parody of "DUNE" with the end credits (and that explains why Patrick Stewart is in it) Oh I had to chance the dateline show's host's name to Chris Hensen due to the policy at also he does have a tendancy to repeat "have a seat" at times.

Also you got to remember... this story was all a simulation of Jorgan's to show Timmy what would happen if he made that stupid choice and as a result, Jorgan zaps "da rules" to make sure no kid would wish for beer, drugs, and firearms and Timmy goes out with Tootie to go towards that good future.

if for any reason I offended you with this story I apologize and I wonder if I should write a censord version of this story but change it to an ALLIGORY for underage drinking by using your story idea.

And yes I have a tendancy to write messed-up stories, I'm already planning one where Sonic the Hedgehog had Foxxy Love from Drawn Together has his new parter after Tails got hurt.

the only kid-friendly stories I write are "Toastbusters" (Chowder + Ghostbusters) and "Courage the Cowardly Dog Jr." (a story about the son of Courage) But still I apologize for offending you.

oh and what part of the story DID offend you?
BlackRobtheRuthless Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2009  Hobbyist
well...when I first read this fanfic, I thought "that's disturbing".

and in future, try to write FOP fanfics that don't include alcohol or anything please? well that EEnE zombie one was kinda okay, i can tell you that
Technomaru Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2009
I tried to make the EEnE Zombies story very violent like those "Dead" movies George Romero makes. And no there will be no "Nickelodeon Zombies"

so this fanfic will discourage you from thinking about drinking? Hey wait how old are you anyway? And why do you think that story is disturbing... is it the way Timmy's dad threatens Dinkleberg with a broken beer bottle?

btw have you read my fanfic "Ed, Edd, Eddy, n Edna"? Nazz's cousin is the fourth Ed!
BlackRobtheRuthless Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2009  Hobbyist
i'm 15 years old and the reason is timmy wished for alcoholic beverages for butch hartman's sake
Technomaru Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2009
like I said. If Timmy could find a way to wish for a fairy baby (which he did) then I would thought he would find a way to wish for beer as well. Umm you did see "Fairly Oddbaby" right?

I also noticed throughout the entire series... Vicky's last name is not revealed so that's why I used a DEATHNOTE joke in the story by explaining that she never reveals her last name because she fears that someone she tormented in the past might have a Death Note and everyone knows what happens if you write a person's name on it.

but still I apologize for the dark humor I used in the story. oh and Keep in mind that there are other people who've made DARKER FOP stories in that site, much more darker than mine!
BlackRobtheRuthless Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2009  Hobbyist
- yeah i did see that episode.

- so i see...
Technomaru Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2009
oh and my close friend and bff pointed out there is even DARKER FOP stories, especially ones involving 10 year old girl characters getting pregnant... it also happens in KND fanfics.

btw true story. when me and my girlfriend were at fanimecon 2009, we saw two cosplayers who were cosmo and wanda for the con. Any I asked them "In Timmy ever wished for beer... would you give him some?" and "wanda" replies (in a good impression of her) "No way, we have to be responcible for Timmy!"

and this was before I did the fanfic and my brother's drinking problem encouraged me to finish it.
(1 Reply)
Technomaru Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2009
I wonder what other Loopholes can Timmy find that way.

oh and do you think the Death Note theory would be a good reason why Vicky's last name is never revealed... Oh darn... I should've made a joke about Vicky's only mentioned once little brother.

right now I'm working on a EEEnE parody of "V"
TraveleroftheUnknown Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009
Ashley Ketchum and Misty Waterflower! OMFG! :hug: That was great. That line made my day..."Poke-a-man". :D Nice job.
Technomaru Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2009
I reused the joke in a new chapter of "Ed, Edd, Eddy, n Edna"
Technomaru Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009
no no... it's "Ashley Ketchum" and "Misty Waters", I wanted porn-sounding names (Misty Waters sounds like a porno actress name) and Poke-a-man is supposed to be a porn parody of pokemon

(believe it or not... "Super Hornio Bros" does exist!)

Well other than Beer Timmy wanted access to a porno channel called "The Naughty Boy Channel" and sure enough, Jorgan added no beer and porno to the fairy rulebook!

two questions, did you just hug me and second, did doing this fanfic made me a bad person even though it delivered a anti-underage drinking message?
TraveleroftheUnknown Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009
Question 1: Yes I did hug you. :P I love Pokemon, and loved the reference. :D
Question 2: Psh, not at all! Lol There have been A LOT worse. Believe me.
Technomaru Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009
I found out you're 15, I think I shouldn't have mentioned the porn references and "Super Hornio Bros." :s Well I do have a tendancy to make jokes ppl would or would not get.

please forgive me!
TraveleroftheUnknown Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2009
Lol. You're forgiven. :P
Technomaru Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2009
now that you read the story I have a question to ask you.. will you ever drink? If you answered "No" then I guess my message was delivered.
TraveleroftheUnknown Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2009
Lol. Probably not
squeaken1 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2009  Student General Artist
This was great! 83
Technomaru Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2009
what were you favorite parts and now you know why no kid should ever drink beer!
squeaken1 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2009  Student General Artist
for some reason, I liked the little Cosmo eating the sandwich with his feet xD And Timmy's dad going to rehab...and Timmy's mom driving Timmy to school blindfolded xD I also liked the "Musical Number" part xD I loved the ending too. It was cute ^_^
Technomaru Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2009
the musical number which shows a dark future where kids get their fairy godparents to get them beer is a parody of the song "DON'T FEED THE PLANTS" from the musical "Little Shop of Horrors" where Audrey II (the plant) takes over the world with it's giant offspring.

the movie version was GOING to use the song for it's downer ending but everyone hated it, it can be seen on youtube, I'd show you the video so you can read along with the video but... i think you dislike downer endings.

I ended the story that way to make the fans forget the dark future Timmy almost created involving alcohol.

don't forget while cosmo eats sandwiches with his feet... jorgan ate his with his biceps.

if you're a fan of danny phantom, you'd probably noticed that "amity park" was one of the towns being attacked by drunken children in the dark future.
squeaken1 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2009  Student General Artist
I couldn't forget Jorgan eating the sandwiches with his biceps xD

I am a fan of Danny Phantom and didn't notice xD
Schreibaby-Zephyr Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hay remember in Family Guy when Peter and his friends tried to find a way to make money to pay for Susie's hospital bill? (Joe's daughter)

Remember the scene where Peter says what secret ingredient was in the lemonade that made their business boom?

Just imagine Timmy doing that in that "Nector of the Odds" episode where he was experimenting with possible lemonade flavors. :XD: What secret ingedient would he come up with next? :rofl:

He's not as think as you drunk he is. :drunk:
Add a Comment:

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
August 4, 2009
File Size
38.8 KB


4 (who?)